This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: November 13, 2020
November 6
The only pollster you can trust is James Brown. He called these districts back in '85. pic.twitter.com/7gw7M3SQdT
— Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi (@roywoodjr) November 6, 2020
I know about 68 million people that would go vote for it. https://t.co/4CrjUBjE98
— Gary Whitta 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 (@garywhitta) November 7, 2020
Happy 8 year anniversary to this tweet https://t.co/VGWsV5aSTY
— Jake Tapper (@jaketapper) November 7, 2020
Every other outlet making Fox News be the one to call it pic.twitter.com/E0BxPVsewn
— Jason Kirk, This American Life's cornhole expert (@thejasonkirk) November 6, 2020
Not exactly what we had in mind https://t.co/RydKGCk9RA
— Tom Morello (@tmorello) November 7, 2020
November 7
Pig Dick, you LOST!!!
— MichaelRapaport (@MichaelRapaport) November 7, 2020
You lost Dick Stain & it's very simple why Dummy!
Sample size @iamrapaport is here:https://t.co/1c0Mb31nN4 pic.twitter.com/BkUYBRsN15
You guys still put confederate flags on your cars. https://t.co/ODB4kQfkeA
— Daniel Kibblesmith (@kibblesmith) November 8, 2020
Reporters ain't takin your shit anymore! pic.twitter.com/mKbndjbmsE
— Fifty Shades of Whey (@davenewworld_2) November 7, 2020
The Trump campaign accidentally booking a press conference at something called Four Seasons Total Landscaping in Philadelphia instead of the Four Seasons hotel they intended is such a perfectly dysfunctional way for this to end. The writers really outdid themselves. pic.twitter.com/ReBGskwOSq
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) November 7, 2020
What in the actual... pic.twitter.com/FbOio5ZZPA
— Richard Hall (@_RichardHall) November 7, 2020
Honestly, how does one even "book" a landscaping store?
— Joe Pernice (@JPernicious) November 7, 2020
I will watch an 11-part Ken Burns documentary on the Four Seasons Landscaping story.
— John Carpenter's Maggie Serota (@maggieserota) November 8, 2020
I could write jokes for 800 years and I'd never think of something funnier than Trump booking the Four Seasons for his big presser, and it turning out to be the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot between a dildo store and a crematorium. pic.twitter.com/P45HV1daD9
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) November 8, 2020
I work at Four Seasons Total Landscaping in PA pic.twitter.com/cX6bIMkag8
— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) November 8, 2020
In nine months a lot of baby girls are going to be named "Georgia" and "Four Seasons Total Landscaping."
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) November 8, 2020
Four Seasons Total Landscaping is one of those things I'll just randomly think of and laugh at for the rest of my life
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) November 8, 2020
Democracy dies in the dark, but Fascism croaks in the parking lot of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping between the dildo store and the crematorium.
— Gerry Duggan (@GerryDuggan) November 8, 2020
"Our moment will come too" — Waldorf Astoria Plumbing & Heating Co
— Cardiff Garcia (@CardiffGarcia) November 8, 2020
November 8
It is 2:43am and I am laying in bed, laughing out loud — cackling, crying even — thinking about Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
— Chris Kelly (@imchriskelly) November 8, 2020
We are so lucky to have this...thing...for the rest of our lives. I know I will draw on it in times of need.
yesterday's fucking clown show will never stop being funny to me. on my deathbed, I'm going to be giggling and mumbling "Four Seasons Total Landscaping&qu ot;
— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) November 8, 2020
The existence of Four Seasons Total Landscaping implies the existence of Four Seasons Partial Landscaping.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) November 8, 2020
The front page of tomorrow's The West Australian. pic.twitter.com/rodWYHP3xl
— The West Australian (@westaustralian) November 8, 2020
I can't stop thinking about how we're so lucky the people who tried to do fascism this time were the dumbest, most incompetent people on earth
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) November 9, 2020
I guess someone stole this video and it's got like 5 million views on tiktok but no one knows it's us. 🤷♂️🤷♂️ pic.twitter.com/TyxTBowzrD
— The Good Liars (@TheGoodLiars) November 9, 2020
Joke all you want, but Rudy's prepared to fight this all the way to the Supreme Courtyard by Marriott.
— John Ricks (@jricks77) November 9, 2020
This guy was in charge during a pandemic. pic.twitter.com/dbIgOBeUcb
— Jemaine Clement (@AJemaineClement) November 8, 2020
Yeah, it's true, I lost my virginity to George Clooney. George Clooney Total Landscaping.
— Emily Nussbaum (@emilynussbaum) November 9, 2020
I honestly can't get past this
— Claudia Silver (@claudia_silver7) November 8, 2020
👇😆😂🤣😆. I'm dead... pic.twitter.com/qpa7L5OoMM
November 9
You either die a hero or live long enough to ask a convicted sex offender to deliver a speech you accidentally scheduled at the garage of a landscaping company next to a dildo store https://t.co/d5wUcHosha
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) November 9, 2020
it's just some total landscaping https://t.co/Ay4CdzqKzl
— George Conway (@gtconway3d) November 10, 2020
Meanwhile in 2018... pic.twitter.com/13QoRgPReM
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) November 10, 2020
No host likes shooting promos, especially for a phone version of their hit game show, but Trebek did them with good humor. So long, Alex, and fuck 'em. pic.twitter.com/7Z1hh1vl2w
— Found Footage Fest (@foundfootage) November 9, 2020
my death row meal? gotta go with the rest of that jogger
— Django Gold (@django) November 10, 2020
That's where I got Chlamydia from! https://t.co/pw0MSUpvoY
— Scott Aukerman (@ScottAukerman) November 10, 2020
November 10
Tobias? https://t.co/BScIgY5J9y
— david cross✍ (@davidcrosss) November 11, 2020
Just got hit by a pick-up truck while skateboarding and singing Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow. I'm never going to be famous! This shit sucks
— Oostie Locke (@chrislockeworld) November 10, 2020
I've been fired from every sitcom I've ever worked on because I refused to leave my intro shot pic.twitter.com/ew09R5LyXp
— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) November 10, 2020
GUYS WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING https://t.co/jE3b4mheX9
— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) November 10, 2020
November 11
Oh fuck there's going to be zoom caroling isn't there
— dave horwitz (@Dave_Horwitz) November 12, 2020
this is now a thomas edison hate account https://t.co/SU1gZJjhB9
— aj (@ajbabyboi) November 12, 2020
Currently obsessed with Leta Powell Drake, the greatest interviewer of all time. pic.twitter.com/3oCYAd9vZD
— John Frankensteiner (@JFrankensteiner) November 12, 2020
November 12
you can de-escalate any situation by simply saying "are we about to kiss?"
— b (@doyalikebaileys) November 12, 2020
I have no idea what Joe Biden is doing or thinking or watching on tv right now. how fucking awesome is that
— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) November 12, 2020
There have been more Trump aides who've tested positive for coronavirus since the election than documented cases of voter fraud
— Ari Berman (@AriBerman) November 12, 2020
Corona Virus explained in craft terms: you and 9 friends are crafting. 1 is using glitter. How many projects have glitter?
— coastal eddy (@coastal_eddyLB) November 12, 2020